If you’re worried someone could be thinking of suicide, it’s time to have a big chat with them. Don’t wait for them to reach out to you – people who feel suicidal often feel alone, or that people would be better off without them. Reaching out, showing you care, and helping to connect them with support can make a big difference.
It’s important to acknowledge how scary this page can be. You might be staring at the title of this page like a possum in headlights, and that’s OK. Others might feel super comfortable with this topic and not bat an eyelid at the title. Everyone has their own journeys and histories. Even if this is the first time you have come across this topic, the encouraging part of dealing with suicide is that everyone can learn how to have conversations about it safely. Big chats is here to help guide you through this by following the specific steps below. You’ve got this!
This page is about supporting someone else who is suicidal. If it’s you who’s suicidal, go here: <x>
Summary
Summary tbc
FAQs
What if they’ve been suicidal before?
If it’s not the first time they’ve felt like this or shown these signs, this conversation might be a little different. You might like to start the chat by mentioning similarities you’ve noticed in the past and asking if they’re feeling suicidal again.
I’m feeling really triggered by this. What should I do?
If you have your own experience of feeling suicidal and/or have lost someone to suicide, this might be especially hard for you. That’s completely understandable.
It’s okay to look after yourself right now. If it doesn’t feel safe for you, ask another friend to have the conversation with you or even instead of you.
If you find yourself having thoughts of suicide or feeling overwhelmed, low, angry or empty, it’s important to get support for yourself.
You don’t have to carry this alone. Reach out to others around you, tap into your own support network and have a chat with your own GP, counsellor or whānau whenever you need to.
What if they don’t want help?
Your friend might genuinely be okay, or they may just not want to talk about it right now. It’s common for people who are suicidal to try to protect others from worry, to feel like a burden or to have lost hope that anything will make a difference.
Try not to take it personally. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready, and that whatever they’re feeling is valid. Keeping the connection open matters more than getting the “right” response.
You can also mention that support is available (like a GP, helpline, or trusted person), so they know their options if they change their mind.
If you’re seriously worried about their safety, it’s okay to seek help even if they don’t want you to. You don’t have to manage this on your own.
Am I overreacting?
Probably not, and even if you are, asking is always the right call. The cost of checking in is a moment of ____. The cost of not asking could be much higher. If something feels off, trust that. If it turns out they’re fine, most people feel relieved when someone asks if they’re okay. It shows you care, and that’s never a wasted conversation.